You Are Beautiful
by Yami no Tenshi chan
Summary: Canon to the scene where Rosiel gives Katan that pill in the fourth Angel Sanctuary manga. Katan is mulling over his thoughts as Rosiel speaks to him. [One shot, character death, angst, yaoi]


Rosiel struck me hard on the chest. Not with his hands but with his foot as if I was a mere dog to be kicked around. I lay on the cold ground as if I were one, the inorganic angel's foot neatly digging into my chest. While his face showed none of the cold amusement known as sadism I expected, though I would have welcomed it.

Disappointment sharpened his features so that they were the only thing I could see out of the blurry world around us. His features- they were all I could see. The pain he gave me (A rather welcome present) - it was all I could feel. The salty blood that spilled from my mouth- It was everything I could taste and smell.

Why did I not move as I lay there, on the ground? Well, one might say that I was not stupid enough to. I knew from the moment I met Rosiel that this was no earthly creature. 'He must be a God sent angel,' was my first thought. Though Rosiel shined both in beauty and God's love, he was not God sent. I knew that much.

If he was not the God sent angel I had believed him to be, then why did I not leave him? I could not. Rosiel gave me my body and saved me from my cold fate of death. Everything, my life, my soul, belongs to him. I am his.

The inorganic angel was my creator…I could not betray him. I loved him as if he was my mother, brother, and lover in one and I was sure he loved me as his child, sibling, and love. I had been so sure my God loved me as I loved him.

Did Kirie feel the same as I did about Rosiel? She had seemed so child-like when she had insisted that Rosiel loved her. I was too a mere puppet for the angel's amusement? That is not so unlike the grigor I was before.

Rosiel is speaking now. I wish I could hear what he is saying but my head is too fuzzy. "Does that hurt?" I make out. I grit my teeth and answer, succumbing not only to Rosiel but the desperate desire to please him that slowly locked itself into habit in the passing years.

"Y-yes…I feel like I am going to die." I tell Rosiel what I know he wants to hear. It is both the truth and a lie. I was not sure if I would really die this way. It all depended on Rosiel. Would he decide to end my life now or…would he punish me and wait?

"That sounds about right." Rosiel was smirking now. None of the warmth I knew as a child remained in those hauntingly beautiful eyes. "Absolutely." How long, I wanted to ask? How long before you do it?"

"Why did you disobey me, Katan?" Rosiel's voice sounded like a mother who only wanted to discipline her naughty child. Was it that he did not know how to express that illusion we know as love or could he not feel it? That had been a mystery for me for hundreds of years.

Now the angel was leaning down, close to my face, his legs straddling my hips. I could feel his icy breath take away my own. Gods, he was beautiful…

"Kirie…she reminded me of myself years ago." Years ago? I am still the puppet I was…after all those years, Rosiel did change. Not his looks but his personality…or he had duped me for years and no longer felt the need to entangle me further in his spider web of fake love- I was already too stuck to notice.

"I saw the way she would always try to make you smile." Rosiel hissed on my neck. I could not understand what he meant by that. Was he suggesting that Kirie…loved me? That he was…jealous? No, to be jealous would mean that he loved me. Or perhaps he just loved that control he had over Kirie. Love- it was barely a feeling for him but a source of power over someone weak…someone like me.

"Take this." Rosiel's smooth voice slid into my head. He was holding up a small object, a pill. "Take it and your body will be restored…good as new."

I wanted to believe him…I craved that trust I felt before. But in my mind I knew that Rosiel would kill me. That pill- it was his device to control his puppets. I had seen what happened to the humans that so foolishly eaten it, their faces had become demented and their souls twisted. Angels would return to their usual selves but they would always bear the hot shame of being one of the useless…_things_ Rosiel used for amusement. They would always know that they had sunk lower than grigors.

"Would you like me to give it to you the way I used to?" Rosiel was mocking me. He knew that I was entangling myself was his midge spider web but he did not care. Rosiel put the small pill to his lips, preparing to give the pill to me through a kiss.

I began to laugh a hollow laugh…Rosiel, even at the last moments of my life, you deceive me. All my life, I've lived under the false love you gave and, now, at my final breaths, you still attempted to dupe me into my own death.

My laughing confuses you…I can tell this even as you are careful not to let it show on your face. I have known you too long, Rosiel, and I know all your quirks, try as you might to hide them.

"You are so sad." I say. Rosiel becomes surprised as I suggest that, he, the inorganic angel is…sad. "I am the only one who will do your bidding without asking anything in return." I laugh again, though this time softer.

"If…I eat that…I would be another one of your useless puppets." My laughing fades now even as your shock grows. I had never seen Rosiel surprised…he'd always known what comes ahead. Seeing him in this new emotion, I almost forget my bearings, my mind memorizing his beauty. "Sure my body would return to its original state but…" I trail off, watching the shock unravel from Rosiel's face. He did not care.

The inorganic angel leaned in and engulfed his lips around mine. The pill was sticky- it was blocking Rosiel's tongue from mine. The pill was pushed into my mouth but I did not swallow. After completing his task, Rosiel did not pull away but pushed the pill around my mouth with his soft tongue. I did not respond to this kiss but lay there, eyes open wide and tongue not moving. Biting my lip teasingly, the inorganic angel pulled away and looked at me with those dark eyes.

I gave him one last look before swallowing. One last look to show how much he meant to me even when all those years were one big midge. It had seemed so much like ecstasy but now that I knew the truth, I still loved him. I would still do anything for him…give my life for him. Let him kill me.

The pill slid down with ease, almost as if it was meant to kill me. Rosiel's eyes widen as he grows fuzzier with each passing moment. Was he shocked that I swallowed? Did he not think that I would not prove my loyalty this way?

The world around me distinguished into nothingness, leaving me with one last thought:

_Rosiel, you are beautiful…_

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Author's note time! I wasn't actually planning to post this but noticed that the Angel Sanctuary section here at FFnet is seriously deprived. Katan such a great character…I love him tons.

Rosiel is a bit mean isn't he? -sigh- Well, no angst if he isn't. Btw, Angel Sanctuary 14 comes out on June 14! Isn't that exciting? And 15 is coming out on august 8. I'm saving up my money to get them.

PS, does anyone here know where I can get manga scans?


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